For Louisa

When we get tired…

There is a place separate from all thought

a place that is not of form.

There is an access point where we can all go 
where the physical no longer is the norm.

When the brain runs out and the muscles give in, 
feeling the constraint of what we live in.

It is the heart…
It is in the heart where we love and find our warmth. 

A place to touch and touch and touch.
A matrix - an essence undefined.

Love potent of life that never really ceases~
our hearts beating and reaching once more. 

No edges no end - life begins again…
when we stop at this point…
the point many returns! 
© 2012 jeannie kerigan
DEATH

                  DEATH

                    ****

He came home to tell me

Mom. I had a dream.

It was a beautiful dream of you and me.

You would be proud, Mom. It was an eagle dream.

We were walking up a mountain together, you and me.

I turned to you and I said

Mom. Are you okay?

I am okay, baby. You go on ahead.

Are you sure, Mom? Are you okay?

I am, Sweetheart. I will be behind you all the way.

He got up to the top of that mountain and he was standing

In white light – or was it golden?

Does it mean something?

The eagle on his shoulder.

My son, he seemed to be holding…

The phone rang.

It was two or three in the morning.

Either way I knew, an awakening to what was to come.

No, I do not need a ride, I will drive myself.

As my heart went numb.

Don’t think, just drive. Drive slow and steady.

Don’t think about your son.

The damage is to his head.

Do you understand? He was already dead.

His heart, it stopped.

But mine returned.

What now?

Oh, God, my heart, my soul.

I cannot bear this, it is so cold.

The wind blew slightly and I cried so hard.

I cannot get a hold…

Jeannie, the damage is done. He will not hold on.

We just don’t know how long.

It took a while for me to see

That he will no longer be

My beautiful firstborn son

Wait.

His blood pressure is dropping. His heart, it will stop.

You must decide now to let him go or not.

I can’t.

I can’t.

Please help me to see.

It is all up to me?

Okay

Okay

Stop.

My baby. My boy.

Now six-foot-three.

Let me hold you and love you—just let us be.

He came home to tell me

Mom, I had a dream.

It was a beautiful dream of you and me.

Oh, Baby.

We walked up that mountain

Your life, a precious gift to me.

I love you. I love you.

And if it must be

I am okay…

You go ahead of me.

Let me help you say good-bye

Before your spirit has to fly.

Say good-bye to the earth

It is soon to be done

My baby, my boy, my beautiful son

I will walk you up that mountain

And do my best to see you through.

It is you who taught me how to give.

Go in peace—and with love—that I learned from you.

My baby, my boy, my beautiful firstborn son

Your last heartbeat I’ve just heard

I must walk away,

and know that you fly

In white light, or is it golden.

Outside alone

They circled the hospital, the eagles they did

To send me a message that he will still live

In my heart

And on to a life he will go

But sending me a message that his love still grows

He came home to tell me…

On wings of white light—or was it golden

Mom. I had a dream.

It was a beautiful dream of you and me.

You would be proud, Mom, it was an eagle dream.

Do you think it means something?

We walked up that mountain, but just halfway

I will be behind you, baby, all the way.

                           ****

There is a place separate from all thought.

A place that is not of form.

There is an access point where we can all go when the physical no longer is the norm.

When the brain runs out and the muscles give in, when we no longer feel constraint of what we live in.

Its the heart ~ its in the heart where we access love and warmth. Where we endlessly touch and touch and touch.

A matrix? An essence undefined.

Love potent of life that never really ceases.

The heart beating and reaching once more. 

No edges no end - life begins again.

Take time to stop and love from this point

Its the point of no return!          jeannie kerigan©

Little tiny drops of light
and my heart turns inside out.
In my arms they become mine
as my heart rips in time.
And time and time again
I didn’t know that tiny toes
and a little bitty nose
would move me so.
My lips never forget 
the scent of those cheeks
How did this happen to me?
Little tiny drops of light
falling right on my heart
growing year after year
stronger and stronger
little loves unbounded
bigger and bigger
as they grow through each little thing
my heart breaks louder
loving deeper and sweeter than the day my babies turned boys to men!
No pain is in vain
even as my heart turned inside out
with each drop 
each light
each rip
and tear -
I love my children, I am forever theirs!                                 jeannie kerrigan©

Little tiny drops of light

and my heart turns inside out.

In my arms they become mine

as my heart rips in time.

And time and time again

I didn’t know that tiny toes

and a little bitty nose

would move me so.

My lips never forget 

the scent of those cheeks

How did this happen to me?

Little tiny drops of light

falling right on my heart

growing year after year

stronger and stronger

little loves unbounded

bigger and bigger

as they grow through each little thing

my heart breaks louder

loving deeper and sweeter than the day my babies turned boys to men!

No pain is in vain

even as my heart turned inside out

with each drop 

each light

each rip

and tear -

I love my children, I am forever theirs!                                 jeannie kerrigan©

           Up Way Up
high up way up
past a place where you are stuck
beyond the pain
the strain
and disdain
that we have for each other
my God
how did we get so clouded
and shrouded
in hate
and debate
frustrated
with who is great
more, more and more
must we race
to the golden gate
high up way up
where you cannot see
with your eyes
blind stuck in time
can’t even find
the love
high up way up
past your face 
too a place
where 
none of this matters
we are not this
don’t you get it
the reality show of earth
is so fucking low
high up way up 
where we really love 
is the off switch
to the hate
that will take
us down 
high up way up 
without an edge
we will meet
and you will see
that your actions
backed up
with your passion
to have
or hold
one little thing
is waisted  
so low
not up
high up
find me 
please join me
don’t let me go
I need 
a vibration
beyond
all you see
and want
and think
you should hold
up 
high up  
is my soul          © jeannie kerrigan

           Up Way Up

high up way up

past a place where you are stuck

beyond the pain

the strain

and disdain

that we have for each other

my God

how did we get so clouded

and shrouded

in hate

and debate

frustrated

with who is great

more, more and more

must we race

to the golden gate

high up way up

where you cannot see

with your eyes

blind stuck in time

can’t even find

the love

high up way up

past your face 

too a place

where 

none of this matters

we are not this

don’t you get it

the reality show of earth

is so fucking low

high up way up 

where we really love 

is the off switch

to the hate

that will take

us down 

high up way up 

without an edge

we will meet

and you will see

that your actions

backed up

with your passion

to have

or hold

one little thing

is waisted  

so low

not up

high up

find me 

please join me

don’t let me go

I need 

a vibration

beyond

all you see

and want

and think

you should hold

up 

high up  

is my soul          © jeannie kerrigan

                       Passerby

 What do you see when you passerby

the dirt on his shirt

scruffy clothes 

the ash dripped creases

on a face that ceases

to feel the cold

on the corner that you cross

cuz you don’t dare walk

your just a passerby.

 

Can you smell the stench

of a stale cigarette 

soaked into the coat

of the man who digs in the dirt

for a butte to re-burn

as he chokes

and you the passerby.

 

Can you taste the paste

of never having brushed

the mouth that eats from the mush

in a dump that you never see

cuz its hidden in the back

where you never passerby.

 

Can you hear the cries

 of a soul that sighs

when they criticize

the spirit that is hovering

while your brain keeps covering

the pain that is inside

go ahead passerby.                   Jeannie kerrigan©

 

 sara ruiperez art 

Shape me
Make me
Cast a mold when you take hold

Make me a virgin tonight

I have undone love
I have loved holding tight
I have given away my soul
Now please, please, I command you
Love me back to virgin
Make me whole.

Shape me
Make me
Cast a mold
Match me with the purity of your masculine touch
Your delicate thrust
that has no lust.

Shape me
Make me
Cast a mold when you take hold
Love me back to virgin
With the force of your light
dipped in true love
Make me a virgin tonight.                                  written by jeannie kerrigan  
                                                                          sara kala ruiperez art 

Shape me

Make me

Cast a mold when you take hold

Make me a virgin tonight

I have undone love

I have loved holding tight

I have given away my soul

Now please, please, I command you

Love me back to virgin

Make me whole.

Shape me

Make me

Cast a mold

Match me with the purity of your masculine touch

Your delicate thrust

that has no lust.

Shape me

Make me

Cast a mold when you take hold

Love me back to virgin

With the force of your light

dipped in true love

Make me a virgin tonight.                                  written by jeannie kerrigan  

                                                                          sara kala ruiperez art 

Breasts & Bones

 I can imagine…

But I do not know

what it is like to have your beauty taken from the babies that you lovingly feed…

From the earth as you leave

Your Breasts and your Bones

I can imagine…

but I do not know

while caressed by the one you love

how you gather the strength to fight for your life as the cancer eats

Your Breasts then your Bones

I can imagine…

but I do not know

your tears of love painfully fall, stopped from giving your heart to them all

Oh My GOD your Breasts and your Bones

Love, love all you love

Have, have all you have

Touch, touch all you touch

Soak in the sight as your soul fills with light

Shine, please Julie shine

I can imagine…

YOU A STAR

leading the way for all of the tears that follow you into the sky where you will never have to imagine…

If I ever know

It is you I look up to as my tears spill all over

Oh GOD my babies

From my Breasts to My bones.            jeannie m kerrigan        sara ruiperez art

There is memory in the crystal glisten of the snow.
Memory in the light of the flakes.

Every moment that I have ever had glistens in the universe that is in the flake that is spread across the ground in the sound of silent winter.

Moment upon moment adding up to one whole memory and a picture.

You are my picture that stays just long enough to melt right back into…

my memory.     
  You are my momentary glisten in the warmth of the sun.

                          You are my moment                                              jeannie m kerrigan

There is memory in the crystal glisten of the snow.

Memory in the light of the flakes.

Every moment that I have ever had glistens in the universe that is in the flake that is spread across the ground in the sound of silent winter.

Moment upon moment adding up to one whole memory and a picture.

You are my picture that stays just long enough to melt right back into…

my memory.     

  You are my momentary glisten in the warmth of the sun.

                          You are my moment                                              jeannie m kerrigan
grieve in the scent of love
stay with it until the smell that gives light to your cells is gone
grieve in the scent of love 
its how you know which way to go
stay with it - 
even though
and I know 
it hurts your soul
but don’t let go 
until you are whole
then you will know how to
                         breathe in the scent of love                jmk

grieve in the scent of love

stay with it until the smell that gives light to your cells is gone

grieve in the scent of love 

its how you know which way to go

stay with it - 

even though

and I know 

it hurts your soul

but don’t let go 

until you are whole

then you will know how to

                         breathe in the scent of love                jmk

~ my son ~

I loved you till the tears came.

I look at you and the tears come.

I feel you and still the…..

I smell you and….

you my little gift from the universe loving me and needing me.

I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I love you ~ fourteen years and still the tears come

from way past the stars! 

You are….          joshua john